Music

One of my gimmicks hobbies is writing music. More specifically, writing parody music about computer science. This page contains lyrics for the songs I have written, as well as recordings for some of them, which thankfully weren't performed by me.

All songs on this page were performed by Theresa Mayo

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You Belong With C

Based on You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift (2009)

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You're on your own writing Java
It's upset, it throws exceptions and the console turns to red
'Cause it doesn't know those pointers like I do.

You're writing code, it's a typical Friday night.
You're typing out the kind of methods you just don't like.
And it doesn't preprocess code like I do.

But It's got objects
You hate pointers
It has util
And I'm lackin' features
Dreaming about the day when you compile and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time.

If you could see
That I'm the one
Who understands you.
Been here all along.
So, why can't you see
You belong with C,
You belong with C.

Writing out code for managing memory
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be.
Laughing as you write main thinking to myself,
"Hey, just use gcc."

And you've got the code
That could light up this whole town.
You haven't run that in a while
Java slowed you down.

You say it's fast I know you better than that.
Hey, what you doing making calls like that?

But It's got objects
You hate pointers
It has util
And I'm lackin' features
Dreaming about the day when you compile and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time.

If you could see
That I'm the one
Who understands you,
Been here all along.
So, why can't you see
You belong with C.

Standing by compiling at your backdoor.
All this time how could you not know, baby?
You belong with C,
You belong with C.

Oh, I remember you rewriting your code
In the middle of the night.
'Cause include makes you laugh
When import makes you cry.
I know your code is slow,
In those virtual machines.
Think I know where you belong,
Think I know it's writing C.

Can't you see
That I'm the one
Who understands you?
Been here all along.
So, why can't you see
You belong with C.

Standing by compiling at your backdoor.
All this time how could you not know, baby?
You belong with C,
You belong with C.

You belong with C.

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with C?
You belong with C.

Teardrops on My Spacebar

Based on Teardrops on My Guitar by Taylor Swift (2006)

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Segfaults haunt me, I recompile 'cause I can't see
What I want and I need, everything those lines should be
I'll bet it's horrible, the code that I typed out
And it lacks every fix that I have to live without

Segfaults haunt me, I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see which nodes I forgot to free
I thought I'd fixed it all, I'd finally got it right
I wonder if this code is all I will debug at night

C's the reason for the teardrops on my spacebar
The only code that keeps on making my threads fall apart
I lose all of the chars I keep reading, don't know why I do

Segfaults haunt me, malloc makes it hard to breathe
And Java runs so perfectly, the kind of flawless I wish C could be
They'd better use it right, give it all their love
Look at those beautiful lines and know they're lucky 'cause

C's the reason for the teardrops on my spacebar
The only code that keeps on making my threads fall apart
I lose all of the chars I keep reading, don't know why I do, why I do

So I delete the code
As I turn out the light, I'll use a library
And maybe get some sleep tonight 'cause

C's the reason for the teardrops on my spacebar
The only one with all the memory leaks that break my heart
I lose all of the chars I keep reading, don't know why I do, why I do
C's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And it's all that I need to fall into

Segfaults haunt me, I recompile 'cause I can't see

Bleeding RAM

Based on Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis (2007)

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Freed all those nodes
I didn't need the pain
program's no longer fast
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it's frozen

But something happened
As I'm writing all this code for you
Memory's leaking to the ground
I know it's true
And I'm recompiling
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
Don't know what to do
They tell me malloc's okay
But they don't know the truth
My code's crippled by the loops
That I keep on closing
The code is broken and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding RAM
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding RAM
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding RAM
The code is broken

So much to fear
My program's slowing down
Every time I malloc
It just fills me with doubt
Yet I know that my goal
Is to keep it from leaking

And nothing's greater than the rush that comes with clearing space
But when I check with Valgrind
All my code's defaced
And everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
Don't tell me what to do
They tell me malloc's okay
But they don't know the truth
My code's crippled by the loops
That I keep on closing
The code is broken and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding RAM
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding RAM
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding RAM
The code is broken

And it's draining all the speed
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be freeing these nodes
For everyone to see

I don't care what they say
Don't know what to do
They tell me malloc's okay
But they don't know the truth
My code's crippled by the loops
That I keep on closing
The code is broken and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding RAM
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding RAM
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding RAM
The code is broken and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding RAM
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding RAM
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding RAM
The code is broken and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding RAM

Style

Based on Style by Taylor Swift (2015)

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Midnight
I'm looking at the screen in low light
Long time,
The code just may not work or might compile
Fade into view, oh, it's been a while since those recurses worked for you (worked for you)

And I know they're nice to read but I
know exactly where this leads and I
Watch 'em go 'round and 'round each time

You got that blood red, half dead look in your eye
And I got that well placed, well spaced code that you like
And when we go write new lines, we indent every time
'Cause we never go out of style
We never go out of style

All of those javadocs are right where they should be
And all of that camel case just fills up the screen
And when we go write new lines, we indent every time
'Cause we never go out of style
We never go out of style

So it goes
He can't keep his wild eyes on the code
An exception's thrown
It's not caught and now we're in the danger zone, Hmm, Yeah.
I say, "I heard, oh, that you've been out compiling code that doesn't work, that doesn't work"

He says, "I don't know what to do though I
made it look cool" and I...
I said, "I've been there, too, a few times."

'cause you got that blood red, half dead look in your eye
And I got that well placed, well spaced code that you like
And when we go write new lines, we indent every time
'Cause we never go out of style
We never go out of style

All of those javadocs are right where they should be
And all of that camel case just fills up the screen
And when we go write new lines, we indent every time
'Cause we never go out of style
We never go out of style

Fix the code
Just fix the code, yeah.
just fix the code
(Out of style)

You got that blood red, half dead look in your eye
And I got that well placed, well spaced code that you like
And when we go write new lines, we indent every time
'Cause we never go out of style
We never go out of style

Splay With Me

Based on Stay With Me by Sam Smith (2014)

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Guess it's true, I'm not good at building maps
But I'll use a tree cause I don't like hash
My code never seems to go to plan
And the lines I write just get out of hand

Oh, won't you splay with me?
That node's all I need
Won't use hash it's clear to see
So darling, splay with me

Why am I so emotional?
Writing out these maps makes me lose control
And deep down I know the speed is worse
But it's still log(n) so it doesn't hurt

Oh, won't you splay with me?
That node's all I need
Won't use hash it's clear to see
So darling, splay with me

Oh, won't you splay with me?
That node's all I need
Won't use hash it's clear to see
So darling, splay with me

Oh, won't you splay with me?
That node's all I need
Won't use hash it's clear to see
So darling, splay with me

Back to BSTs

Based on Back to December by Taylor Swift (2010)

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Stacks and Queues always seem so easy.
But trees are where it gets tricky.
I haven't recursed in a while.
Your add's slow, crappier than ever,
It's O(n), can't get much better,
Remove won't work and I know why.
Because the last time I wrote you
Is still burned in the back of my mind.
You gave me free points and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Typing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for those lines,"
And I go back to BSTs all the time.
It turns out AVL's nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to BSTs, turn around and make the code right.
I go back to BSTs all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, working on code all evening.
When traversals made, my grades fall.
And I think about adding, all the terrible times,
I ended up recursing down the wrong side.
Realized I messed up all the calls.

And then the tests failed, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all those points and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Typing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for those lines,"
And I go back to BSTs all the time.
It turns out AVL's nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to BSTs, turn around and change my own lines.
I go back to BSTs all the time.

I miss your nice code, your short lines,
So good to me, so right
But then you failed all of those tests that September night
The first time recursion made me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if I had the chance, I swear I'd code you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if I'm stuck with look ahead I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Typing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for those lines."
And I go back to BSTs...
It turns out AVL's nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to BSTs, turn around and make the code right.
I'd go back to BSTs, turn around and change my own lines

I go back to BSTs all the time.
All the time.

Fix You

Based on Fix You by Coldplay (2005)

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When you build the tree, but it won't succeed
When you write what looks fine, but not what you need
When it's due next day, and you can't sleep
It won't recurse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose some code you can't replace
When traversals work, but they go to waste
Could it be worse?

Tests will guide you home
And make right your code
And they will try to fix you

And as the lines just seem to grow
When you wrote too much to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what it's worth

Tests will guide you home
And make right your code
And they will try to fix you

You miss an edge case
When you lose some code you cannot replace
You miss an edge case and I
You miss an edge case
I promise you you will learn from your mistakes
You miss an edge case and I

Tests will guide you home
And make right your code
And they will try to fix you

Last Commit

Based on Last Kiss by Taylor Swift (2010)

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I still remember the look on your face
When you pushed to master at 1:58
You didn't test it
So how could I know
You told me it might work
But everything broke today
today

I do recall now, all of that pain
When 4 weeks of coding
Went down the drain
That July 9th
When you broke my heart
All of that code
Lying dead in my arms

So now I'll go patch up the branch
Using old code
All that I know is
I don't know what I would do without Git
I never thought you'd make that last commit
Never imagined you'd break all this
Your bug, forever the bug I can't fix

I do remember you put me through hell
When you messed up master, while showing off again
And I rolled my eyes and then
You just merged in
I'm not much for rollbacks
But this time I did

Because you don't like testing, you don't even bother
I hate how you led us to all of this horror
How you merged in when I was in the middle of coding something
That might have just saved us from all this destruction

And I'll go patch up the branch
Using old code
All that I know is
I don't know what I would do without Git
Never thought you'd make that last commit
Never imagined you'd break all this
Your bug, forever the bug I can't fix

So I'll rollback all the changes that had cost me so much sleep
And I feel you forget just what made all your code so weak
And I'll fish out all my old files if I know just where they are
Hope I know where they are

And I hope it compiles
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
To pray it won't break
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on rewriting those lines

So I'll go patch up the branch
Using old code
All that I know is
I don't know what I would do without Git
Never thought you'd make that last commit
Never imagined you'd break all this
Your bug, forever the bug I can't fix

Just like your last commit
Forever the bug I can't fix
Forever the bug I can't fix

Just like your last...

Last Commit (Alternate)

Based on Last Kiss by Taylor Swift (2010)

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I still remember the look on your face
When I pushed to master at 1:58
I didn't test it
So how could I know
I thought that it might work
But everything broke today
today

I do recall now, all of that pain
When 4 weeks of coding
Went down the drain
That July 9th
When I broke your heart
All of that code
Lying dead in my arms

So now I'll go patch up the branch
Using old code
All that I know is
I don't know what I would do without Git
Guess I'll just undo my last commit
Never imagined I'd break all this
My bug, forever the bug I can't fix

I do remember I put you through hell
When I messed up master, while showing off again
And you rolled your eyes and then
I just merged in
I'm not much for rollbacks
But this time I did

Because I don't like testing, I don't even bother
I hate how I led us to all of this horror
How I merged in when you were in the middle of coding something
That might have just saved us from all this destruction

And I'll go patch up the branch
Using old code
All that I know is
I don't know what I would do without Git
Guess I'll just undo my last commit
Never imagined I'd break all this
My bug, forever the bug I can't fix

So I'll rollback all the changes that had cost me so much sleep
And I feel you forget just what made all my code so weak
And I'll fish out all my old files if I know just where they are
Hope I know where they are

And I hope it compiles
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
To pray it won't break
You can plan for a change in weather and time
But I never planned on rewriting those lines

So I'll go patch up the branch
Using old code
All that I know is
I don't know what I would do without Git
Guess I'll just undo my last commit
Never imagined I'd break all this
My bug, forever the bug I can't fix

Just like my last commit
Forever the bug I can't fix
Forever the bug I can't fix

Just like my last...

Merge Now

Based on Speak Now by Taylor Swift (2010)

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I am not the kind of sort,
That can be implemented in place on every occasion,
But you don't have the kind of list,
That should be playing well with quick sort

You start to second guess,
All of the decisions that put you through hell,
And you are looking for the n-square,
Somewhere back inside the codebase,
Making it run slowly,
This is surely not what you thought it would be,
I lose myself in a daydream,
Where I stand and say

Don't quicksort, recompile now,
It's the only way you'll save,
All the code that you worked for
Don't split around the pivot now,
You need to hear me out,
When I say merge now

All your code is unchanged,
And the program runs so slowly,
That it feels like a death march,
And you are feeling so uncertain,
It seems that you're so unexcited by the sloppy code you see
You choose all your pivots randomly
But I know you wish you chose me,
You wish you chose me, don't you?

Don't quicksort, recompile now,
It's the only way you'll save,
All the code that you worked for
Don't split around the pivot now,
You need to hear me out,
When I say merge now

Don't quicksort, recompile now,
It's the only way you'll save,
All the code that you worked for
Don't split around the pivot now,
Your time is running out,
So I say merge now

You here the data say,
Merge now or forever hold your peace,
There's a silence, there's your last chance,
You stand up with shaking hands,
And hit delete,
Horrified looks from engineers in the room,
And they're only lookin' at you

I am not the kind of sort,
That can be implemented in place on every occasion,
But you don't have the kind of list,
That should be playing well with quick sort

So don't quicksort, recompile now,
It's the only way you'll save,
All the code that you worked for
Don't split around the pivot now,
You need to hear me out,
When I say merge now

And you say, I'll recompile now,
It's time I went and saved all the code that I worked for,
Worst case is less than n-square now,
So glad you were around and you said merge now

I Can't Make You Write C

Based on I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt (1991)

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Undo that change
Undo my dread
Undo these voices inside my head
Show me your code
Tell me no lies
Just change it back, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you write C if you don't
I can't make you compile something you won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will rewrite my part and turn off the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you write C, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The code that will break when you write in C
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to rewrite these lines
And I will rewrite these lines

'Cause I can't make you write C if you don't
I can't make you compile something you won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will rewrite my part and turn off the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you write C, if you don't